I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months