i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life