How drunk are you??
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad