i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.