mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.