So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.