I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.