I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?