Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
