I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
