How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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