White coat. Heels.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
