We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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