just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
