we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
