I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize