Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
