How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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