I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
