Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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