shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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