Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
