She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
