Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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