Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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