I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
