it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
