on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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