Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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