The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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