i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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