you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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