yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Say something about gay babies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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