You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
