somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
