The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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