I heard we made out
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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