Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
