I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
