Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the gays at disneyland are vicious
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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