i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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