so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
