You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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