I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
