This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
