if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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