UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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