I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
