Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
