TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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