If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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