She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
