I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
