Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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