He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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