I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
