maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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