Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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