idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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