Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
