Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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