I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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