Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
