I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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