I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
