The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
third nipple confirmed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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